5. When asked if I knew what the pastries were at a work
breakfast meeting, I replied, “A donut with no hole is a danish.” *everyone in the buffet line looked at me like
they suddenly realized I didn’t speak English
4. When asked, “Does your family belong to a country club?”
I replied, “Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.” The person answered, “I’ve never heard of
Bushwood.” I said, “I hear this place is
restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ‘em you’re Jewish.” *pretty sure that person thinks
I’m an anti-Semite
3. When asked by a date what I would like to order, I said “I
want a hamburger… no, a cheeseburger.”
He said, “I don’t think they serve burgers here.” *face palm
2. The orthopedic surgeon rattled off the full extent of my
break and said I would probably need multiple surgeries and years of physical therapy
to walk properly. I said, “So I got that
goin’ for me, which is nice.” She said, “No,
it will be painful and difficult.” *wanted
to reply, “Usin’ the whole fist, doc?” but I didn’t because “crossing the
streams would be bad. Right, Egon?”
1. A first date asked what my hobbies were. I said, “I enjoy...skinny-skiing...going to
bullfights on acid…” He immediately declared we had nothing in common because
he refused to be associated with drugs and launched into a lecture on rehab and
religion. *caught a cab home and I’m
pretty sure he still thinks I have a drug problem
